But today, I cared. And it seems I cared a lot.
I had to teach a lesson in church today about minding control of our tongues. The words we say can hurt others. The words we say can hurt ourselves.
Keep in mind, I teach a class of 9 to 11 year old girls.
The one thing I'll say about this entire lesson, is I love my girls. Endlessly. We talked about how James said that you cannot get salt water and fresh water both from the same spring. We discussed how you cannot get olives and figs from the same tree. They pointed out that you shouldn't kiss your mom with the same mouth that you talk badly with...not sure where they got that one from, but at least I knew they were paying attention...I think.
We watched the video of President Monson talking about the Oak tree and hidden wedges. We talked a lot about how gossip and words can hurt. We talked about how laying your sorrows at the feet of the Savior can help you overcome whatever hurt may come from hidden wedges and hurtful words.
This lesson gave me an opportunity that I hadn't given myself. (or that my busy over-the-top schedule hasn't permitted) I don't plan to go into details here - it doesn't need to be hashed out in public - but it's been a tough couple of weeks and it wasn't until today during this lesson that I realized that I did care. I do care what people say or think.
I was tearing apart inside, although I was holding it together fairly well on the outside. We went through an exercise with the girls where I brought each one up to the front of the room and pointed out some of their amazing qualities. Great daughter. Good friend. Kind heart. Smart. Funny. Gracious. I then invited each girl in the room to name one quality they liked about the girl at the front. One by one we pointed out all the great qualities that they each possess. I bore my testimony that words can mean so much to someone, and that if we speak as HE would have us speak, we'd be keeping His spirit with us always and that will help guide our lives with blessings and happiness.
And then they did the unexpected.
"Wait, Sister Hancock, we need to tell you what we love about YOU."
One by one they told me what they admired about me.
Kind.
Loving.
Nice to me.
Funny.
Great teacher.
Crazy (they meant that in a good way...I think.)
They have no idea how much they touched me today. On the way home in the car, I broke down. My husband had walked in and experienced the last few moments of the class. He'd also been fully aware of my weekend at Time Out for Women and the soul searching I've been doing. He then took my hand and told me...
You're my best friend.
You're a great mom.
I love you.
My cup is overflowing. My heart is full. I am so thankful for the little blessings in my life. And just like I was teaching my girls today, yes, words do hurt - but if you take your pains and sorrows to Him, he will find a way to lighten the load. He will take them away and help replace them with warmth and gratitude.
My first day finding out who it is I am to Become, and already I'm feeling overwhelmed and encouraged by the loving kindness of those around me. I have no idea what I'm going to find on this journey, but I'm so grateful for the loving support while we experience this together.
